You can listen to the audio version of this blog post read by Sara below. All audio content is the same as the below text.
I think a lot about Ouroboros. The idea of eternality within self destruction and rebirth. Especially in capitalist times focused on individualism I think about this idea of greed or hunger that is detrimental to the snake itself. Lately, I’ve been thinking about the arts sector as the Ouroboros. On the same note, I’ve been thinking of myself as having contributed to an integral part of the Ouroboros in our sector.
The metaphors help me to not internalize the thought at the root of the problem. If I can write more frankly, I think accessibility has once again gone to the sidelines of performance (not that I felt it has ever been at the forefront). I think for some time accessibility was focused on because underpaid disabled people were doing the work to make it happen. Through the last year we have lost so many advocates in this sector because of the sector itself. The root of the problem is disabled people are not seen as people. If we were seen as whole people deserving of the same time and effort as everyone else, meeting the requirements for our participation in the arts would feel easy. Our participation would be clear, enthusiastic and equivalent on stage, back stage, administratively and in the audiences to our able bodied friends.
Ableism continues to be a strong force in our industry. Disability is not capital you can sell to turn a profit. Often I’ve worked on projects and heard, “is the effort of accessibility worth it if no one is using the service?” This feels jarring every time I hear it and usually requires a definition. What is worth and value in this instance to you? Is it disabled people being welcomed into an environment or is it return on the monetary cost of it? I often feel I know the answer when I look at people’s updated budget lines and accessibility has a smaller budget than before.
Accessibility is not a prop you can use when it is convenient and when disabled people stop asking you for it, you stop providing it. This feels like a lesson we have already learned, but continue in the sector to struggle with. We are not asking you for it anymore because we cannot trust that you will take care of us. We cannot trust that this sector will not harm us further in their attempts to be “more accessible”.
After suffering a traumatic brain injury this past summer, I don’t know how to continue. I don’t know how to do what I was once doing, and I’m not sure that I can in good faith anymore. I see the future and it is that we continue to eat our own tail.
I’ve almost shutdown my business a dozen times in the last two years. I was tired of being a consultant who wasn’t included in a budget. I was tired of being a consultant whose work came in after everyone else’s. I was tired of being a consultant whose advice at the end of the day could be ignored. I wasn’t making ends meet, I wasn’t making art, the work wasn’t about people, it was about institutions. Institutions were receiving funds that should go to disabled people. Institutions were receiving praise that should go to disabled people. The work was no longer centered around people, but around the institution. People’s identities were being used to validate arts institutions and weren’t being properly credited for it.
As I continued to move away from my business, I noticed priorities change at the institutional level. Accessibility is not at the forefront of the work anymore because people aren’t at the forefront of the work. Accessibility feels like the snake that continues to eat itself in the arts sector; we bring in new people, we use their identity, we burn them out, they leave the sector, we bring in new people etc. How long will I stay in this intestinal carnage? Can we ever escape the paradoxical serpent? The promise to help that continues to harm.
Comments